An Adolf Hitler taking two shots in a bunker
An Arthur Scargill great strike but a poor result
A Rodney King over-clubbed
An O.J. Simpson somehow got away with it
A Condom safe but didn't feel very good
An elephant's arsehole it's high; and it stinks
A sister-in-law I'm up there, but I know I shouldn't be
A Sally Gunnell it's ugly but it's still running
A Kate Moss thinned it
An IRA shot hitting a provisional
A nipple licker a shot that opens up the hole
A Diego Maradonna nasty five footer
A Salman Rushdie an impossible read
A Rock Hudson thought it was straight, but it wasn't
A Paris Hilton an expensive hole
A Cuban needs one more revolution
An Elton John a big bender that lips the rim
A Glen Miller kept low and didn't make it over the water
A Blondie a fair crack up the middle
A Princess Grace should have taken a driver
A Princess Di shouldn't have taken a driver
A Robin Cook just died on the hill
A Michael Jackson gradually fading
An Anna Kournikova looks great, but unlikely to get a result
A Vinnie Jones nasty kick when you're not expecting it
A Tony Blair too much spin
A Bin Laden driven out, never to be found again
Jamie Oliver you really want to smack it but you can't
Tuesday, 27 October 2009
Tuesday, 20 October 2009
Kevin's weekly Latin test !
I like Kevin's challenges , where on earth does he get them ?
How about a Dog's cryptic crossword ?.......
I'll start you off with 1 across ; 'Start without the right to, becomes a dog ' (6) _ _ _ _ _ _
How about a Dog's cryptic crossword ?.......
I'll start you off with 1 across ; 'Start without the right to, becomes a dog ' (6) _ _ _ _ _ _
Monday, 19 October 2009
Farrago fatigans!
Not much to report from Friday, particularly as the photo below tells its own story.
I did notice over the weekend, though, that there is a new movie out called Colin. It is a zombie movie and cost just £45 to make! What are we to conclude from that?
Well done Malcolm on the last title. This week's title could have been used by Mike and me after last week's debacle in the Monthly Stableford.
I did notice over the weekend, though, that there is a new movie out called Colin. It is a zombie movie and cost just £45 to make! What are we to conclude from that?
Well done Malcolm on the last title. This week's title could have been used by Mike and me after last week's debacle in the Monthly Stableford.
Sunday, 18 October 2009
With respect to our proposed motto
Below is the reply I received from the Head of Classics at Malvern College....... I had forwarded Malcolm's attempted translation of Piss with the big dogs in the tall weeds...........
"To peese - in high grass - with/when - the dogs - a big one"
What sort of blether is this, Ricketts? I knew you weren't paying attention when we did agreement and cases! Obviously too much prep time spent in the nets, rather than learning Latin vocab and case endings!
Pissare: surely pisare - very late Latin - and why the infinitive? You want the imperative!! Hence: pisa (singular) pisate (plural).
in alta herba: well, at least you got something almost right. But why singular? And didn't we tell you adjectives follow the noun they describe? Surely in herbis altis.
cum takes the Ablative Case for goodness sake!
And the Ablative plural of canis - and I thought we had been through the 3rd Declension a 1000 times! - is canibus. No, not cannabis, you clown!
Stop fiddling with your glasses and pay attention
magnus: this is heart-breaking, Ricketts. Adjectives have to agree with the nouns they describe. So not magnus (Nom, masc, sing) but magnis (Abl, masc, plur).
So, write out a hundred times:
pisate in herbis altis cum canibus magnis
and hand it in at Break tomorrow!
Actually, Charlie, not a bad crack at it - after all those years!
If you want it in more Classical Latin, try this:
mingite in herbis altis cum canibus magnis! = [you lot, go and] urinate in the tall weeds with the dogs!
Or perhaps you might want to say:
mingimus in herbis altis sicut canes magni = we urinate in the tall weeds just like the big dogs [do]
"To peese - in high grass - with/when - the dogs - a big one"
What sort of blether is this, Ricketts? I knew you weren't paying attention when we did agreement and cases! Obviously too much prep time spent in the nets, rather than learning Latin vocab and case endings!
Pissare: surely pisare - very late Latin - and why the infinitive? You want the imperative!! Hence: pisa (singular) pisate (plural).
in alta herba: well, at least you got something almost right. But why singular? And didn't we tell you adjectives follow the noun they describe? Surely in herbis altis.
cum takes the Ablative Case for goodness sake!
And the Ablative plural of canis - and I thought we had been through the 3rd Declension a 1000 times! - is canibus. No, not cannabis, you clown!
Stop fiddling with your glasses and pay attention
magnus: this is heart-breaking, Ricketts. Adjectives have to agree with the nouns they describe. So not magnus (Nom, masc, sing) but magnis (Abl, masc, plur).
So, write out a hundred times:
pisate in herbis altis cum canibus magnis
and hand it in at Break tomorrow!
Actually, Charlie, not a bad crack at it - after all those years!
If you want it in more Classical Latin, try this:
mingite in herbis altis cum canibus magnis! = [you lot, go and] urinate in the tall weeds with the dogs!
Or perhaps you might want to say:
mingimus in herbis altis sicut canes magni = we urinate in the tall weeds just like the big dogs [do]
Bolly Moves on.
Bolly goes to a new home and the long drive hat was won by Malcolm. Not sure there was an entitlement to pass it on as the previous owner is still in dispute. Apparently the question has gone to the R and A!!
CANUS MAXIMUS Moves on!
CANUS MAXIMUS Moves on!
Wednesday, 14 October 2009
Potential New Member
An ideal candidate and one who might be able to piss in the very tall grass with particularly large DOGS!!
Tuesday, 13 October 2009
Practice !
Whilst Kevin and Mike were hard at it representing the DOGS , and obviously doing a little spadework on their handicaps at the same time, I received the above evidence of a DOG Practicing !
Now I can't tell whether that is a Big Bertha in his hands or whether he's about to play a golf shot ! Either way he's Pissing in some pretty big weeds , so the Jury is out on whether to shave another point off his handicap .
He then sent the following picture and stated 'This is not practice , this is real Work !'
Fair enough I suppose .........
Appalling
No other word can describe the abysmal performance of Mike and Kevin on Monday in the Club's Monthly Stableford.
All you need to know is that our handicaps have risen by 0.1 apiece to 14.8 and 15.1 respectively.
All you need to know is that our handicaps have risen by 0.1 apiece to 14.8 and 15.1 respectively.
Monday, 12 October 2009
Canis Maximus !!
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We need all of the 'Magnificent 7' and a slightly more formal setting if we are to sneak a picture into the clubhouse . Have a great game in the sun and see you on Friday .
Sunday, 11 October 2009
Me transmitte sursum, caledoni
The golf took second place on Friday to a detailed review of the rulebook. This will be published shortly, once Mike's heiroglyphics have been deciphered.
There was a meeting convened with the General Manager of Tiverton Golf Club, who after due consideration, deferred to the Club Captain, who sat down at the table next to us. He quickly responded with the ruling that the ball can only be deemed admissable in the contest for the longest drive on the third hole of the course if it was resting on the short green stuff, commonly known as the fairway. We immediately thanked him effusively for his excellent independent interpretation of the rules before he turned to his fellow golfers and asked for their opinion. This prompted further debate and the suggestion that we hold the longest drive competition on a different hole. This was instantly dismissed as being un-D.O.G.-like.
The other matter up for debate was a club motto. Malcolm has made his proposal, Charlie is ensuring the grammar is correct. In the meantime, anybody fancy translating the title to this post? It has nothing to do with golf.
By the way, Malcolm played really well. His handicap is deservedly cut from 20.8 to 19.2. Charlie edges up to 16.3, Mike and Kevin stay unchanged on 14.7 and 15.0 respectively.
There was a meeting convened with the General Manager of Tiverton Golf Club, who after due consideration, deferred to the Club Captain, who sat down at the table next to us. He quickly responded with the ruling that the ball can only be deemed admissable in the contest for the longest drive on the third hole of the course if it was resting on the short green stuff, commonly known as the fairway. We immediately thanked him effusively for his excellent independent interpretation of the rules before he turned to his fellow golfers and asked for their opinion. This prompted further debate and the suggestion that we hold the longest drive competition on a different hole. This was instantly dismissed as being un-D.O.G.-like.
The other matter up for debate was a club motto. Malcolm has made his proposal, Charlie is ensuring the grammar is correct. In the meantime, anybody fancy translating the title to this post? It has nothing to do with golf.
By the way, Malcolm played really well. His handicap is deservedly cut from 20.8 to 19.2. Charlie edges up to 16.3, Mike and Kevin stay unchanged on 14.7 and 15.0 respectively.
Saturday, 10 October 2009
Thursday, 8 October 2009
Can I Come On ?
Can I come on?All that talk of slapping, stroking and length for those of us recently returned from the Gobi desert its all a bit much.
Like the idea for the Spawny Git trophy and I have a nomination.
Would like to be able to piss in the long grass with the big Dogs.
When's the tour?
In my defense your honour!!
This one will run and run!!( The drive not this post.)
A number of false allegations have raised and my DOGS honour has been impugned and I would like to put my side of the fairway/story.
Having suffered the slings and arrows in my new persona as "Colin the Choker" I stood tall on the 3rd tee despite the heartbreaking loss of a recent major. I had something to prove. Following a single ghost swing I unleashed the mother of all drives. It arched majestically onto the centre of the fairway, the crowd were hushed (primarily because there weren't any!). After a considerable hike I arrived at the ball's resting place. I called back to Charlie, who I could just make out further back down the fairway, that I was placing my ball back on the fairway in accordance with the local rule.
The insinuation that I would challenge the honour of a fellow "foundherdog" is potentially libelous. I happened, while attending the bar (in accordance with Rule 28) enter into a discussion with a few new found friends as to the quality and style of Charlie's huge drive. They agreed that it was an exquisite one but what about mine? Mine was a fraction longer I said but, sadly, on the pathway.The winning shot they said as the pathway was classed as ground under repair! Surely not I said. The fact that an extra barrel of beer appeared at these fine gentleman's party was purely coincidental!
Somehow contrary to DOGS tradition "what happens on tour stays on tour" (Rule 31) the matter was referred to the general manager instead of being passed up the chain of Command to our most gracious Chairman.
I obviously concur with all the new rules as so eloquently recorded although there does seem to be a little too much emphasis on Richard's Road. I place myself voluntarily in front of the DOGS disciplinary committee safe in the knowledge that at all times I attempted to uphold the lofty goals and aspirations expected of a "foundherdog".
I rest the case for the accused!
Monday, 5 October 2009
When is a pathway a fairway?
A most unfortunate incident occurred on Friday 2nd October which has shaken the very fabric of DOGS golf. I cannot bring myself to write about it other than to note that it involved a certain Capt RT, a canal, a fence, a man-made pathway and an absurd (strike that…..a desperate…..no lets settle for a highly dubious claim for the red cap (rejected at the time by our man Statto, but challenged subsequently in the bar by RT with the help of some members who had clearly been bought beer by the aforementioned single (but working hard on Mrs T #3) RT.
The distressing event has led me to conclude that it is high time that a DOGS rule book is (i) written (ii) adopted and (iii) adhered to by its members. I have therefore taken it upon myself to compile the first draft of the rulebook (encompassing Articles of Association, Mission Statement and considerable Poetic Licence) for members to comment upon, elaborate, correct or discard.
‘THE DOGS’
Date of incorporation: [June 2006?]
Home course: Tiverton Golf Club
Club Name: The DOGS (which stands for the Devon Orange Golf Society, the Dirty Old Gits Society or the Dazzling Original Garments Society depending on who you ask [what is the official name?]
Chairman, President and Club Captain; Mr Mike Finch
Founder members: Mr Mike Finch (retired banker), Captain Richard Thomas (semi-retired pilot), Captain Malcolm Scott (bandit) and Mr Charlie Ricketts (credit crunched city slave)
Fully fledged DOGS members: Mr Kevin ‘Statto’ Phillips (polymath), Mr David Stedman (jolly nice fellow), Mr Harry ‘Half Pint’ Borden (paparazzi)
CLUB RULES
General
1 No practicing
1.1 For the avoidance of doubt the taking of more than one ‘shadow swing’ whilst at address is a breach of rule 1
2 The local rules of the course will apply subject to rule 3
3 DOGS rules will override all local rules
3.1 In the event of any request for a ruling, the Chairman’s word is final
4 New members may join DOGS at the invitation of the Chairman further to
4.1 Recommended by at least 2 current members
4.2 A minimum of 6 months extreme grovelling and ingratiation
5 Membership fees will be set at zero in perpetuity
6 Player handicaps will be determined by Statto
6.1 All completed scorecards must be submitted to Statto; any reported attempts to conceal scorecards or in any way to influence Statto will be punished with handicap reduction
7 A DOGS match has a quorum of 3 players including a minimum of 2 members
8 A match becomes a qualifying DOGS fixture once 9 holes have been completed
9 Prep School dress code applies
Course Etiquette
10 Proper reference will be given to the following course landmarks
- ‘Finch’s Field’; Hole 2 out of bounds on the right;
- [Hole 3 has had Charlie’s Copse chopped down and I can’t think of an alliteration for ‘Richard’s Fairway’ (that’s the path down the right)]
- ‘Kevin’s Korner’; Hole 6 trees at the corner of the dog-leg;
- ‘Thomas’s Tee’; the 18th tee oft visited from Hole 17
- [Where’s Borden’s Bunker, David’s Ditch, Scott’s Scrub etc?]
11 Slow play; DOGS matches falling behind the game ahead must wave through any ‘chasing’ games behind
11.1 For the avoidance of doubt rule 11 does not apply if the chasing game includes the ‘Pink Lady’
12 Any member having sight of a playable line through trees (a ‘DOGS line’) must play that line. A member declining to play a ‘DOGS line’ may be reported for cowardice and invited to purchase a round of roast chicken crisps at the 19th hole
13 ‘Gimmes’ will not be allowable, except
13.1 Where a member’s ball finishes within a club’s length of the hole, or
13.2 When the Chairman so decrees
14 A member playing out of turn without invitation from playing partners may be addressed thus; ‘great shot, now play it again!’ (note this is a polite instruction to replay the shot without penalty)
DOGS competitions
15 The DOGS Masters will be held at each quarter end. The winner of the event will receive the coveted ‘Top Dog Trophy’ (kindly donated by the very nice fellow) and may have his name inscribed on it alongside those of previous illustrious winners
16 All members are encouraged to play the DOGS Masters. If a member is unable to enter the competition and is the holder of any DOGS attire or memorabilia (the Orange Shirt, the Harlequin Trousers, the Grid Shirt, the Chefs Trousers, the red cap, the yellow cap, the Explorers hat, Bolly, the Champagne Moment Trophy) he may put the relevant item ‘in play’ at the DOGS match immediately preceding the Masters and pass on the relevant item to the appropriate member (see qualifying rules 17 to 25) on completion of the round
16.1 Any member found exploiting rule 16 simply to rid himself of DOGS attire will be unceremoniously expelled from the Club
17 The winner of the Top Dog Trophy (‘the Master’) will also be entrusted with Bolly, mans best friend. Bolly must be kept in the winner’s golf bag on an appropriate BollyWood. Should the Master subsequently lose a legitimately convened DOGS match, the stewardship of Bolly will pass to the winner of the said match. The new dog-sitter will then put Bolly ‘in play’ for subsequent matches and the winner on each occasion will assume responsibility for the safety and well being of Bolly
18 Rule 13.1 will not apply to the guardian of Bolly
19 The player hitting the longest drive at the 3rd hole onto the fairway will be awarded the Red Cap (providing the current holder of the cap is playing)
19.1 For the avoidance of doubt, the fairway is the short grassy bit down the middle; the hard gritty bit down the right hand side is what is commonly known as a ‘path’
19.2 For the avoidance of doubt, a qualifying red cap drive may only be the first shot from the tee, preceded if necessary (see rule 1.1) by a maximum of one shadow swing. Subsequent picking up and dropping of the ball does not form part of ‘the first shot from the tee’
20 The player hitting their 2nd shot closest to the pin on the 12th hole will be awarded the Yellow Cap (providing the current holder of the cap is playing)
21 The losing founder member of any DOGS match involving at least 2 founder members will be awarded the Orange Shirt (providing the current holder of the shirt is playing)
22 The loser of any DOGS match will be awarded the Harlequin Trousers (providing the current holder of the trousers is playing)
23 The player furthest from the pin on the 14th hole will be awarded the Grid Shirt (providing the current holder of the shirt is playing)
23.1 The holder of the Grid Shirt must add his initials onto the shirt each time the shirt is awarded to him
24 The player hitting the most shots from a bunker in a DOGS Masters’ event will be awarded the Chef’s Trousers. These trousers are to be worn at DOGS Masters events only (except in the case of rule 16)
25 Any player hitting a drive into the canal on the 3rd hole will be awarded the Explorers Hat [is that right?] (providing the current holder of the hat is playing)
26 Each DOGS Masters event will also award the Champagne Moment Trophy to the player who creates the most memorable or remarkable feat of the day
Clubhouse Etiquette
27 No Mars bars in the Clubhouse
28 No half pints
29 No trailers in the car park
Errors and Omissions
30 Please note that not all the rules are in the rule book
30.1 For the avoidance of doubt, ignorance of rule 30 is no excuse for failure to abide by it
A most unfortunate incident occurred on Friday 2nd October which has shaken the very fabric of DOGS golf. I cannot bring myself to write about it other than to note that it involved a certain Capt RT, a canal, a fence, a man-made pathway and an absurd (strike that…..a desperate…..no lets settle for a highly dubious claim for the red cap (rejected at the time by our man Statto, but challenged subsequently in the bar by RT with the help of some members who had clearly been bought beer by the aforementioned single (but working hard on Mrs T #3) RT.
The distressing event has led me to conclude that it is high time that a DOGS rule book is (i) written (ii) adopted and (iii) adhered to by its members. I have therefore taken it upon myself to compile the first draft of the rulebook (encompassing Articles of Association, Mission Statement and considerable Poetic Licence) for members to comment upon, elaborate, correct or discard.
‘THE DOGS’
Date of incorporation: [June 2006?]
Home course: Tiverton Golf Club
Club Name: The DOGS (which stands for the Devon Orange Golf Society, the Dirty Old Gits Society or the Dazzling Original Garments Society depending on who you ask [what is the official name?]
Chairman, President and Club Captain; Mr Mike Finch
Founder members: Mr Mike Finch (retired banker), Captain Richard Thomas (semi-retired pilot), Captain Malcolm Scott (bandit) and Mr Charlie Ricketts (credit crunched city slave)
Fully fledged DOGS members: Mr Kevin ‘Statto’ Phillips (polymath), Mr David Stedman (jolly nice fellow), Mr Harry ‘Half Pint’ Borden (paparazzi)
CLUB RULES
General
1 No practicing
1.1 For the avoidance of doubt the taking of more than one ‘shadow swing’ whilst at address is a breach of rule 1
2 The local rules of the course will apply subject to rule 3
3 DOGS rules will override all local rules
3.1 In the event of any request for a ruling, the Chairman’s word is final
4 New members may join DOGS at the invitation of the Chairman further to
4.1 Recommended by at least 2 current members
4.2 A minimum of 6 months extreme grovelling and ingratiation
5 Membership fees will be set at zero in perpetuity
6 Player handicaps will be determined by Statto
6.1 All completed scorecards must be submitted to Statto; any reported attempts to conceal scorecards or in any way to influence Statto will be punished with handicap reduction
7 A DOGS match has a quorum of 3 players including a minimum of 2 members
8 A match becomes a qualifying DOGS fixture once 9 holes have been completed
9 Prep School dress code applies
Course Etiquette
10 Proper reference will be given to the following course landmarks
- ‘Finch’s Field’; Hole 2 out of bounds on the right;
- [Hole 3 has had Charlie’s Copse chopped down and I can’t think of an alliteration for ‘Richard’s Fairway’ (that’s the path down the right)]
- ‘Kevin’s Korner’; Hole 6 trees at the corner of the dog-leg;
- ‘Thomas’s Tee’; the 18th tee oft visited from Hole 17
- [Where’s Borden’s Bunker, David’s Ditch, Scott’s Scrub etc?]
11 Slow play; DOGS matches falling behind the game ahead must wave through any ‘chasing’ games behind
11.1 For the avoidance of doubt rule 11 does not apply if the chasing game includes the ‘Pink Lady’
12 Any member having sight of a playable line through trees (a ‘DOGS line’) must play that line. A member declining to play a ‘DOGS line’ may be reported for cowardice and invited to purchase a round of roast chicken crisps at the 19th hole
13 ‘Gimmes’ will not be allowable, except
13.1 Where a member’s ball finishes within a club’s length of the hole, or
13.2 When the Chairman so decrees
14 A member playing out of turn without invitation from playing partners may be addressed thus; ‘great shot, now play it again!’ (note this is a polite instruction to replay the shot without penalty)
DOGS competitions
15 The DOGS Masters will be held at each quarter end. The winner of the event will receive the coveted ‘Top Dog Trophy’ (kindly donated by the very nice fellow) and may have his name inscribed on it alongside those of previous illustrious winners
16 All members are encouraged to play the DOGS Masters. If a member is unable to enter the competition and is the holder of any DOGS attire or memorabilia (the Orange Shirt, the Harlequin Trousers, the Grid Shirt, the Chefs Trousers, the red cap, the yellow cap, the Explorers hat, Bolly, the Champagne Moment Trophy) he may put the relevant item ‘in play’ at the DOGS match immediately preceding the Masters and pass on the relevant item to the appropriate member (see qualifying rules 17 to 25) on completion of the round
16.1 Any member found exploiting rule 16 simply to rid himself of DOGS attire will be unceremoniously expelled from the Club
17 The winner of the Top Dog Trophy (‘the Master’) will also be entrusted with Bolly, mans best friend. Bolly must be kept in the winner’s golf bag on an appropriate BollyWood. Should the Master subsequently lose a legitimately convened DOGS match, the stewardship of Bolly will pass to the winner of the said match. The new dog-sitter will then put Bolly ‘in play’ for subsequent matches and the winner on each occasion will assume responsibility for the safety and well being of Bolly
18 Rule 13.1 will not apply to the guardian of Bolly
19 The player hitting the longest drive at the 3rd hole onto the fairway will be awarded the Red Cap (providing the current holder of the cap is playing)
19.1 For the avoidance of doubt, the fairway is the short grassy bit down the middle; the hard gritty bit down the right hand side is what is commonly known as a ‘path’
19.2 For the avoidance of doubt, a qualifying red cap drive may only be the first shot from the tee, preceded if necessary (see rule 1.1) by a maximum of one shadow swing. Subsequent picking up and dropping of the ball does not form part of ‘the first shot from the tee’
20 The player hitting their 2nd shot closest to the pin on the 12th hole will be awarded the Yellow Cap (providing the current holder of the cap is playing)
21 The losing founder member of any DOGS match involving at least 2 founder members will be awarded the Orange Shirt (providing the current holder of the shirt is playing)
22 The loser of any DOGS match will be awarded the Harlequin Trousers (providing the current holder of the trousers is playing)
23 The player furthest from the pin on the 14th hole will be awarded the Grid Shirt (providing the current holder of the shirt is playing)
23.1 The holder of the Grid Shirt must add his initials onto the shirt each time the shirt is awarded to him
24 The player hitting the most shots from a bunker in a DOGS Masters’ event will be awarded the Chef’s Trousers. These trousers are to be worn at DOGS Masters events only (except in the case of rule 16)
25 Any player hitting a drive into the canal on the 3rd hole will be awarded the Explorers Hat [is that right?] (providing the current holder of the hat is playing)
26 Each DOGS Masters event will also award the Champagne Moment Trophy to the player who creates the most memorable or remarkable feat of the day
Clubhouse Etiquette
27 No Mars bars in the Clubhouse
28 No half pints
29 No trailers in the car park
Errors and Omissions
30 Please note that not all the rules are in the rule book
30.1 For the avoidance of doubt, ignorance of rule 30 is no excuse for failure to abide by it
If the cap fits wear it!
Colin goes up in front of the Dogs ethics committee after a dispute with Charlie "2 hats" Ricketts on whether the longest drive was the longest drive!
Kevin narrowly misses taking on the Colin mantle after nearly grabbing defeat from the jaws of victory!!
Richard manages to get rid of the garish wardrobe after a 9 hole game is abandoned due to the early Tiverton monsoon!
Malcolm's handicap to be investigated after his winter training trip to the BA Bermuda Golf Training camp!
New Handicaps
Last Friday, in the hangover from the Quarterly tournament, Mike gracefully bowed out to leave a fourball of Charlie, Malcolm, Richard and Kevin.
I threw the scorecards away after updating the handicaps, but believe me it was very exciting. The high point undoubtedly two birdies from Charlie and Malcolm to take them from a few points behind to a few in front. It was finally won on the 18th by Kevin and Richard.
Anyway, new handicaps:
Charlie 16.2
David 28.5
Harry 12.4
Kevin 15.0
Malcolm 20.8
Mike 14.7
Richard 12.7
I threw the scorecards away after updating the handicaps, but believe me it was very exciting. The high point undoubtedly two birdies from Charlie and Malcolm to take them from a few points behind to a few in front. It was finally won on the 18th by Kevin and Richard.
Anyway, new handicaps:
Charlie 16.2
David 28.5
Harry 12.4
Kevin 15.0
Malcolm 20.8
Mike 14.7
Richard 12.7
Top Dog: Colin's Tail
There is a certain place in history reserved for those that can. But there is also a place set aside for those that can't. A place reserved for those that choke. When the history of D.O.G.S. is written, there will probably be a whole section dedicated to the Colins of this world.
And so we turn to the events of Friday 25 September. While Malcolm was sunning himself in the Bahamas, and having passed on trousers, shirts etc to others as he would not be there to defend them, the Magnificent Six turned up at Tiverton GC to do battle.
After nine holes, it was clear that the apparent benign conditions were anything but. Scoring was low and Richard held the lead with 16pts. Charlie was putting a little pressure on him with 14, while the reigning Top Dog, Mike, brought up the rear with a poor 9. The other three ball was competitive but only between themselves, with scores of 13, 13 and 12.
After 12 holes it looked like a runaway victory for Richard and a chase to avoid the last spot. Richard 25, Kevin 18, David 17, Harry, Mike and Charlie all on 15. A 7 point lead with six holes remaining. Surely not?
After 16 holes Richard 28, Kevin 27, David 26, Harry 21, Mike 20 and Charlie 19. To give an indication of the scale of Richard's collapse, if the match had been played over just the last six holes the scores would have been Kevin 14, David 11, Harry 8, Mike 7, Charlie 6 and Richard just 5 points.
When the winners gather at the Champions Dinner in the future, they will not only discuss great victories but talk of near misses. Unfortunately, Richard's efforts can hardly be classified as a near miss.
Final scores: Kevin 32, Richard 30, David 28, Harry 23, Mike 22 and Charlie 21.
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